on thursday, my cousin was told that there was a possibility she might have MS like her dad.

my mom told me to pray for her. in that moment i wished i really believed in all that stuff.

i’d like to have some divine hope to cling to.

it’s hard watching her being wheeled around. she’s only 21.

the other day she wanted my help to move her from a couch into a room with my grandma, aunts and sister. i knew she needed my strength to stand up but when she stood up i wasn’t ready and i let her fall.

my aunt and sister then came to help her back onto the couch and my cousin started crying. i felt like i failed her completely in that moment. i asked her not to cry because we had a deal that if she cried i would cry too. she smiled a little but i still walked away crying.

she’s going to check into a hospital tomorrow to start a treatment that will hopefully slow it down if it is MS.